don't know if you've seen this yet but it's a site dedicated to iraq's funniest stand up comedian...

www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com

Hehe, great site.

Espescially the history section:

i like the death star one.

Some more Kamagurka:

Haha! The right wing one is very good.

I get the quotes from the Information minister
-- Daily Updates --

16 April -- Still no reliable evidence on the fate of Muhammed Saeed
al-Sahaf (M.S.S.)... Iranian newspaper Mardom Salari reports rumors of MSS suicide, but no substantiation. White House believes MSS and other Iraqi bigs now in Syria... Visits to this site average 500,000 per day...

15 April - Daily Telegraph reports that M.S.S. has a son who practices medicine in Ireland. "My father is a good guy," reports Dr. al-Sahaf. "When he comes home from work and takes off his uniform we do not discuss his job."...

14 April - The fever grows. Major media outlets promise lucrative personal-appearance contracts, talk show bookings, etc. Representatives of William Morris Agency sighted at Iraqi/Syrian border...

13 April - M.S.S. not included in "Death Pack" playing cards distributed to coalition forces. International uproar. NBC News: M.S.S. "curiously absent."

12 April - Sahafomania grips globe. Amateurish website dedicated to M.S.S. crashes four separate servers. Visitor rates reach 4000 per second. Website inexplicably featured in daily papers, Reuters, AP, CNN, BBC and assorted lame talk shows.

10 April - M.S.S. begins 'administrative leave'. Wannabe MSSers try to steal limelight from the One and Only. Closest competitor may be Mohsen Khalil, Iraqi Ambassador to the Arab League:
"Iraq will not be defeated. Iraq has now already achieved victory - apart from some technicalities."

9 April – Last known remark of M.S.S., to John Burns of NY Times : "I NOW INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE TOO FAR FROM REALITY."

-- TREASURY OF DEATHLESS QUOTES --



"There are no American infidels in Baghdad. Never!"

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

"I blame Al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!"

"God will roast their stomachs in hell at the hands of Iraqis."

"They're coming to surrender or be burned in their tanks."

"No I am not scared, and neither should you be!"

"Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected"

"Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!"

"We are not afraid of the Americans. Allah has condemned them. They are stupid. They are stupid" (dramatic pause) "and they are condemned."

"The Americans, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly. All I ask is check yourself. Do not in fact repeat their lies."

"I can say, and I am responsible for what I am saying, that they have
started to commit suicide under the walls of Baghdad. We
will encourage them to commit more suicides quickly."

"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place."

"We have destroyed 2 tanks, fighter planes, 2 helicopters and their shovels - We have driven them back."

"The authority of the civil defense ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps," he said, adding that the British and American forces were "immoral mercenaries" and "war criminals" for such behavior.
"I am not talking about the American people and the British people," he said. "I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."

"We have them surrounded in their tanks"

"The American press is all about lies! All they tell is lies, lies and more lies!"

"Lying is forbidden in Iraq. President Saddam Hussein will tolerate nothing but truthfulness as he is a man of great honor and integrity. Everyone is encouraged to speak freely of the truths evidenced in their eyes and hearts."

"Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us."

"because we will behead you all"

"Let the American infidels bask in their illusion"

"I triple guarantee you, there are no American soldiers in Baghdad."

Britain "is not worth an old shoe"

"we have given them a sour taste"

"blood-sucking bastards"

Of US troops: "They are most welcome. We will butcher them."

"We will welcome them with bullets and shoes."

"We are in control. They are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards."

“We have placed them in a quagmire from which they can never emerge except dead”

"Washington has thrown their soldiers on the fire"

"I speak better English than this villain Bush"

"These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying"

"They're not even [within] 100 miles [of Baghdad]. They are not in any
place. They hold no place in Iraq. This is an illusion ... they are
trying to sell to the others an illusion."

"Their failure in this regard is abysmal. They want to tell the world changes thought - as a matter of fact, they do not respect the world, they want to tell taxpayers and the domestic public to keep them deceived. We will embroil them, confuse them and keep them in the quagmire. They have begun to tell more lies so that they might continue with the perpetration of their crimes. May they be accursed."

"We will kill them all........most of them."

"They are like a snake and we are going to cut it in pieces."

"They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!"

"I would like to clarify a simple fact here: How can you lay siege to a whole country? Who is really under siege now? Baghdad cannot be besieged. Al-Nasiriyah cannot be besieged. Basra cannot be besieged."

"They are trapped in Umm Qasr. They are trapped near Basra. They are trapped near Nasiriyah. They are trapped near Najaf. They are trapped everywhere."

Called Americans and Brits "Tarateer"– In Iraqi slang, Tartoor means a guy full of farts (hot air)

"they are nowhere near the airport ..they are lost in the desert...they can not read a compass...they are retarded."

"Faltering forces of infidels cannot just enter a country of 26 million people and lay besiege to them! They are the ones who will find themselves under siege. Therefore, in reality whatever this miserable Rumsfeld has been saying, he was talking about his own forces. Now even the American command is under siege."

"They tried to bring a small number of tanks and personnel carriers in through al-Durah but they were surrounded and most of their infidels had their throats cut."

"Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly."

"We made them drink poison last night and Saddam Hussein's soldiers and his great forces gave the Americans a lesson which will not be forgotten by history. Truly."

"On this occasion, I am not going to mention the number of the infidels who were killed and the number of destroyed vehicles. The operation continues"

"We're giving them a real lesson today. Heavy doesn't accurately describe the level of casualties we have inflicted."

"Their infidels are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected."

"These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British."

When told coalition troops occupied Baghdad airport -
"...at Saddam Airport? Now that's just silly!"

"The situation is excellent, they are going to try to approach Baghdad...and I believe their grave will be there."

"NO", snapped Mr al-Sahaf, "We have retaken the airport. There are NO Americans there. I will take you there and show you. IN ONE HOUR!"

"We defeated them yesterday. God willing, I will provide you with more information. I swear by God, I swear by God, those who are staying in Washington and London have thrown these mercenaries in a crematorium."

"Please, please! The Americans are relying on what I called yesterday a desperate and stupid method."

"They will be burnt. We are going to tackle them"

That post was a little long Myrddin. Please post the link next time.

In the spirit of Star Wars

those last two and the Holy Grail one are pissers!!
Ahh.... *wipes tear from eye*
My dad couldn't stop laughing either

LOL, nice ones Elevenbravo. Ofcourse i'd be Darth Vader in that context.

lol i'd be the one claiming lag!!!