K, so i saw the third LOTR movie today, and i must say that it was ok. But again, some things are just plain weird.
Like, when Aragorn and his "special" (not as in "retarded", REALLY special) army charge, why the fuck can't he keep the dudez0rs? He could own middle-earth!! First have them hobbits thrown into the mountain wearing the friggin ring, shaft them orcs and whoop the big eye! YEAH! And keep some of the trolls ofcourse, it'd be fun to have them as bodyguard when he goes into a nightclub or summit.
Ofcourse we'd need ppl to serve middle-earth dope and booze, and we'll confiscate all of the hobbits left for that. Anyway; so, then we got Gandalf. Let's see wtf we can do with that old knacker...mm, since about the only magic i've seen him do is shoot a lightbeam to them flying monsters we could use him as a HUGE flashlight. Screw that thing frodo is using against that beast, Gandalf is much bigger and older. AND THEN!!!!! the wise, benevolent and pansy elves! I'm thinking of turning all the male elves in shemales, won't be too much work on it. But ofcourse, that could cause sexual confusion in my realms; but even more "but", do i care? No, so shemales it is. Now that the male elves have a full-time occupation being female, what will we do with the female elves?! Tough one, that is, isn't it, that? We throw them....INTO A HUUUUUGGE VOLCANOOOOEEEESS are cool...you can raft down rivers with them, we can make elven canoes out of elven women's bones that are left after we threw them into the volcano and raft down that waterfall near that other beardy wizard's tower. Oh yes, that friggin tower must go down too, i will not have another megalomanous maniac have a tower like me! Let's nuke that bitch, and THEN use his radiated body as a permanent powersource to fuel my personal hot water bag!!!!! Muha. Since dwarves are fucking cool i'll get them out of those stinking caves and promote them to cool things, like Prime Preserver of Coolness and Royal Rimmer or Double-hard bastard of the royal Rinoxian order. WHat the fuck is there left still then? Oh yes, now i see, NOW I SEE!! It's those filthy horse-riding bastards; we're gonna kill the horses and serve them as steak, there will be enough horse steak to last to the end of my days that way, and we're gonna make the riders bake&serve french fries under the command of assistant king/manager Theoden. The long-haired blonde fella gets to clean my toilet, and the horsedudes will be renamed French Freedom Frie Bakers of Rohan. The blonde girl kicks so much ass that she gets to be my personal bodyguard apart from lover. Seeing as she is the only woman left now i made all the elven women into canoes i don't have much of a choice either, then again, i could go and turn toward the elven shemales, but nah. SINCE.....i apparently have INTERMEDEATELY taken over Aragorn for myself during this rant, i will have to find a way to dispose of that old chap too..;he speaks elvish, has long hair, is a bit homo-erotic, not as much as the hobbits tho, so i gues it would only be logical if he or she became head of the elvish shemales, and i now notice that in my genius i have already implented the fact that only elven shemales cannot have children, as they are immortal anyways they do not need canoes to make kids, no sirree. FUCKTHEPOLICE! And the big huge elephant things i'm gonna use to do my lawn or kill bugs in my garden, or both a the same time, or both at the same time while copulatin under the big mountain which then explodes and then buries them under a layer of magma which will be exposed thousands of years later when i am still king ofcourse and it will prove that i was the most powerful king in the universe even if i don't know how yet. I don't need no bitch-ass ring to make me Da Man, i only need ghost armies.I guess that ghost armies don't gotta eat either, so that'll spare me some of my beloved steak that i and eowyn will be eating as the troll bodyguard will watch over us while the long-haired dude is scrubbing my toilet and assistant king theoden is baking my next fries and steak while the ghost army is doing nothing but oppressing every resistance against my rule and the male elves are being shemales under the command of Aragorn shemale exatraordinaire as their female counterparts have become royal canoes and good canoes i might add while the giant elephants are copulating in my yard while squashing bugs and being buried under magma and all the hobbits are serving me beer on waist height as i will be lying down meanwhile sam and frodo and all the orcs and sauron are dead and the other wizard's radiation is being used to power my giant gandalf flashlight as the dwarves sport great and mighty titles. THE END
) and you can`t see the difference anymore between the shemales and the females. Well not at first sight anyway.
