Heck if they'd glow in the dark they'd have found other uses by now.

lol me likes!

*falls off chair laughing*

long live FOCL!

Quite funny.
Stupidest things to put on product warnings:
Contains fish on salmon packets
do not use whilst sleeping for hairdryers
use like regular soap for soap
Warning-may cause drowsiness for the sleeping pill Nytol

http://www.creativeteachingsite.com/humorgrammar.htm

found this while researching the apostrophe. Mildly amusing.

That's what I do all day! Do those bastards want to take away one of the few things I really like?.

Good list though.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at
work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company...

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."


In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."



A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's
go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to
church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the
little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again"

lol, i think i've heard that somewhere
Ok i'll go and try to think of some of the good jokes i know

LOL never heard that one before! hehehe that rules!

good site: www.funny.co.uk some rubbish on there but some good stuff too

Hehe...u showed funny.co.uk before, pretty good yeah.


Here's other stuff:


how NOT to have cybersex:

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

-----
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

-----
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

-----
bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.



Hehe...i especially laughed at the "i put on my robe and wizard hat" line.

Hah! At least now we know his surname is Jansen.

I really liked the robe and hat line too, espescially the second time.

lol yeah i liked that! hehe specially the second time with 'i thought I told you not to message me again!'

Aaaw what cute lil babys..

Constipation blues

Splish splash

Aaaaww what a cute lil ol lady too
Groovy granny

This one is just odd
Sauerkraut

the bathtub one is cute !!!
I've seen that granny one before lol, and that last one is just disturbing

*edit* found some more cute ones on that page CD said


http://www.cutestuf.com/flash_0103/peebaby.cfm
http://www.cutestuf.com/funpages/present.cfm(I just like the sound at the end of this one)

I've seen the granny before, it rules! And yes..sauerkraut...that is disturbing. however...

*sees the baby ones* OMG IT'S HIDEOUS, KEEP THEM AWAY *runs away from terrifying small children type things*